Friday, July 21, 2006

You Know You Are In A Dying Church When...

This is an actual picture taken by Pastor Troy as he drove by a local churc hone evening. They say "a picture is worth a thousands words" and this pciture sure says a lot in regards to the modern church!
As Melanie, Kayla and I were flying to Chicago today I was thinking about a particular subject matter that brought the following observations to mind. I am sure that many of you could add your own to the list!
You know that you are in a dying Church when...
...the room marked "nursery" is filled with bags of potting soil and tulip bulbs.
...the worship leaders announces that he will be teaching the congregation a new song and begins with, "Amazing Grace..."
...the head Deacon opens the service and asks for all visitors to raise their hands, and the Pastor raises his! take up the offering in a Dixie cup.
...they think the Holy Ghost is the latest Stephen King novel.
...they think the "gift of tounges" is an uncanny ability to bad mouth the pastor.
...they take communion iwth Starbucks coffee and Krispy Kreme donuts!
..."fasting" is when church is dismissed inside of 45 minutes.
...the only mention of "revival" in your church is preceded by "Credence Clearwater.."
...they think the "Apostle's Creed" is either a movie starring Robert Duvall or the name of Rocky Balboa's opponent in Rocky I & II.
...the "youth group" is considered those who have not yet recieved their AARP cards.
...thier evangelism program consists of the new sign errected on the edge of the church property.
...the children's church curricullum is "Barney Videos, Kool-Aid and cookies"
..."Outreach" is a stretching move in the women's ministries "Yoga" class.
...the pastor's wife plays the piano...his first wife sings in the choir and his second wife is the church secretary.
...the next person to get saved will be the first!
...they think "Rick Warren" was one of the Twelve Apostles and The Purpose Driven Life is a book in the New Testament.
...Mid-week services are cancelled each Spring as not to conflict with American Idol.
...when someone asked the Pastor, "What are the ten Commandments?" He took the 5th Amendment on the grounds that he might incriminate himself.
...your Pastor preaches a series of messages on the latest movie titles...because that is where he spends all of his time.
...the pizza party always draws a bigger crowd than the prayer meeting.
...the greatest recorded miracle in the church is the fact that anyone would bother to show up in the first place.
...the pastor actually expects the congregation to laugh at the same joke he has told the past five years.
...the words sin, hell, and repent are off limits in the pulpit, but obviously sexual immorality isn't.
..."Tithing" has been replaced by "Tipping"...but never at 15%.
...your church's feeding program consists of the free donuts served each week before the senior adult Sunday school class.
...your church's last mission trip was to Branson, Missouri to see the country music shows.
...the closes thing that your church has to an "Evangelist" is the guy with the fish symbol glued to his back bumber.

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